Finding Your Identity After Having Kids
Am I the only mom out there who has found themselves struggling after having your kid or kids? I find myself not knowing who I am anymore. Am I just simply a mom now? I mean no one even calls me by my name anymore. It's always mommy and hey Nicolas and Michael's mom. It's never Tina anymore!
I find myself at a loss as to who I am partly due to my zombie state as I drag my body through the house. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. My time is no longer my time and I almost find myself resenting my kids a wee bit. I miss going on girls days, movie nights at the theater, or just sitting and reading a book in silence while not feeling rushed. My whole day is dirty diapers, cleaning, cooking, errands, and the list just goes on and on.
Do you ever take that day where your brain feels like it may explode? I had that day today! As soon as my eyes opened and my ears rang with Mommy being screamed across the house; I knew it was going to be one of those days. The kids didn't want to eat the breakfast they asked for, they tore their playroom completely apart, and every five minutes one of them was crying over toys not being shared. As I sat amongst the chaos, head spinning with all the noise, I realized Tina doesn't live here anymore.
I used to be this awesome, attractive, and bubbly woman. I took my time getting ready to start my day, I relaxed and watched tv while eating my breakfast, and I loved spending time with my friends. I was actually excited for the weekend because there was always something fun going on in my life. Now I dread my weekends! Weekends are spent with fighting my kids to listen, cleaning, listening to my husband complain, and not having a DAMN moment to myself. I can't even go to the bathroom or shower in peace!
Please tell me that you ladies can sympathize with me!!!!!!! Have you lost your identity too and how do you find yourself coping?
It's scientifically proven that more and more women are struggling with their identities after child birth. It goes hand in hand with postpartum depression and anxiety. Women our reaching out to counselors and doctors seeking help to cure them. Many doctors believe it is due to our changing economy. Women are juggling way heavier work loads than women back in the 50's through the 90's. The 2000's have brought harder times on families financially. So now women are struggling to work, raise children, and maintain a household. They lose themselves amongst all the demands of our raising society. Women no longer know or even have the time to discover and maintain a semblance of who they are or were in the past.
Common symptoms of losing your identity are:
- You change with your environment.
- Relationships mold who you are.
- You often have radical shifts in your opinion.
- You get bored easily.
- You don't like being asked about yourself.
- Your relationships don't run too deep.
- Deep down you don't trust yourself.
I have learned to not be ashamed and blame myself when you go through an identity crisis. The first and absolutely best first step is acknowledging that something is wrong with you. The best treatment is talk therapy. Find a really good counselor that you feel comfortable with and seek their help. They can give you some amazing coping skills and activities to find yourself again.
Life is an exploration, and at certain points, we all surprise ourselves. There is no need to know exactly who you are to do well in life. But if you find that your lack of identity is causing you to feel unstable, and you suffer an ongoing sense of stress and anxiety because of it, then perhaps it’s time to ask the real you to please stand up! We all have this absolutely amazing person inside of us waiting to shine through. Have patience and that person will surprise you with some amazing moments in life!
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